I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
