The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
