I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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