i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
