the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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