yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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