they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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