I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
3 2 1 whiskey
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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