If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
