i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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