We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
