there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
