wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
