yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
