____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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