I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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