we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
