Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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