hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
