capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
