god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
