operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
