omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
