I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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