She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
