I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
