Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
