Welp...herpes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
