ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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