i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
