After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
a search helicopter?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
