Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
COCAINE IS GR8
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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