Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
