i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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