Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
