i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
