the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
