You just made me feel so damn special
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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