Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
