Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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