Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
