How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
