I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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