is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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