People with herpes should wear stickers.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
