I CAN MOONWALK!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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