Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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