I wish I could punch you in the face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to make out with him forever
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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