Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
