dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
