I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
