thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
