member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
