My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
